This week’s WordPress word prompt is resist.
Trying to resist vulnerability is something I know about. Lately, I’m resisting feeling vulnerable several times a day.
Recently I’m trying to approach my passion more like a job. I’m organizing my time to reach out to various organizations to see if I can share with them what I’ve learned. To share about living with more awareness and working with higher energy and how it assists me so beautifully. To show just how dramatically one’s life can shift as a result of beginning looking at oneself and practicing new habits, behaviors, and thoughts. And how I feel this directly impacts the world. I’m good with all of that…just not the reaching out part. I feel vulnerable.
There are many incredible organizations out there and all it takes is contacting them. But I resist. I know I’ll be rejected sometimes and I know some will say ‘yes’. And, still, I resist. Even though I’ve been personally encouraged to step boldly forward and assured that I’m in alignment with my purpose, I still hold back. Mostly I resist because I’m stuck on how to reach out. What do I say? How do I frame myself? What are my first words of introduction? Do I have to create an elevator speech?
My words can be spontaneous. However, at this point, spontaneous means tripping over my words. More vulnerability.
I hold back by running an errand, writing this blog post, taking measurements for a chair, looking for tile, looking in iPhoto for our best photos and ordering them so we can frame and hang them in our hallway. All fun things to lose myself in but none come close to the passion I feel about my work. I have abundant freedom where I can take the occasional break to go outside and enjoy the weather, even paint a little, or make a call, but then I really do need to go back to stepping boldly forward or I’m not creating what I’m excited about.
I literally feel myself being assisted and encouraged. My guidance is so patient but, gratefully, it’s also persistent. Get out there. Be bold.
Every time I phone someone, drop by their business to drop off my information, or send a proposal via email, I place myself in a vulnerable position and feel both excited and uncomfortable. I don’t know about you but being vulnerable is not something I learned to be good at in my last career. I didn’t get to practice that much. Can you imagine my quarterly review at AOL, Sara, I’d like to see just a little more vulnerability from you in our weekly team meetings. LOL as we used to say.
But strangely enough, my vulnerability complements me if I let it. Vulnerability will always be a part of me. It’s in my life, it shows up as I allow myself to be seen and it’s the parts of me that are kind, caring, thoughtful, compassionate, also awkward, unsure and afraid. I’m feeling it’s time to resist a little less, pursue my dream, vulnerability and all.