Before, I never would have thought twice about my words and even less about my thoughts. I was amusing and clever or so I thought.
These days I’m practicing being very aware of what I’m thinking and speaking. People are everywhere and there are opportunities all day long for a running commentary on all of them.
There’s the woman driving too slowly because she’s on her cell, the man taking FOREVER at the bank teller window, a new neighbor, a manager at work, the guy who cut me off on the highway. And personal gossip? It’s a waste of time. But it’s a hard habit for me to break. Sometimes I’m the instigator because I'm asking for a status on someone or sometimes I’m just in a group and it starts. The intention may have been to keep it kind but if the person being discussed heard us he or she wouldn’t like it.
We’re all connected with each other.
I’d heard this and it made sense but now I know it because I feel it. When I express myself, in thoughts or words, I’m directing all those feelings not only to the person it’s directed to but back at myself as well. Easy to do when we're talking about traffic or someone standing in line at the bank. This is especially challenging when a small group of homeowners chooses to be viciously rude because they don't agree with our Board decisions within our Homeowner's Association. It's really challenging to look at someone compassionately and unemotionally when they're yelling at me. It's another level of the same lesson on how to let things go. A whole 'nother level, one that at this time, I'm throwing my hands up and burying my head under my pillow and just hoping will go away.
Maybe they'll move to another place. Merely removing myself from the entire conflict and resigning is an option.
But what if sometimes there's something I can't walk away from and have to learn how to not let it bother me?
It's my responsibility to uphold the very rules that contribute to their angst. But if they choose to instigate conflict as a way to change our minds, I can let the negativity pass me by, right? I can practice not getting upset by their words. Sure, but honestly that's really difficult.
I'm trying to Eckhart Tolle myself into this challenging situation and feel that I'm failing miserably. I'm not Eckhart Tolle.
In the meantime, I'm sinking lower and lower as they increase their antics and anger. Thoughts, words and choices matter. Do I just walk away and leave the problem to the other Board members because I see that it's as simple as walking away from conflict? I can resign and spend my time doing something I love such as painting. Or, I can learn to let their antics and anger pass right by me if that's how they continue to choose to communicate?
Traffic is now a piece of cake. My intention is that one day the angry people will be a piece of cake. For now, I'm still working on this one...